I am so honoured to be able to share the beautiful birth of Sarah’s and her sweet boy Blair. I am forever grateful to all the mamas who are able to share these intimate stories with me on this platform. Sarah’s story I am sure will help others, maybe a mama who is stuck in those agonising days of being ‘over due’, navigating the ‘big baby” dilemma, contemplating home birth or just normalising birth itself! What I love most about Sarah’s story is that her transfer from home to hospital during labour never felt remotely like a “failed home birth” but more like a birth where she felt in-control, supported and calm despite all the twists and turns that came her way.
Heres her story…
I fell pregnant the first month after stopping contraception which was pretty exciting but also a little shocking. I had the classic morning sickness, nausea, fatigue until about 16 weeks. It was hard but I really did love it. I loved my big bump and feeling him move. I chose a midwife who I was recommended and aligned with, more like a friend and who I felt I could be totally open and honest with. We clicked straight away. What I liked most about her is she gave me the information and let me make decisions without trying to persuade me in any direction. During our second appointment she asked if I wanted a hospital or a home birth. Something I had never considered for myself was the possibility of a home birth. I recently had a friend have a positive home birth and the more & more I thought about it, it became appealing. I don’t do well with needles or hospitals, they give me mad heebeegeebees. I knew home was a relaxing/safe space and I figured I would likely progress faster and hopefully birth better with far less interventions. After lots of talking about it, Jordan supported the decision which mentally helped me so much knowing my midwife and partner believed in me. I was still very aware and open minded to the possibility of going to hospital at any point so we had the bags packed next to the door just in case. Our parents all thought we were crazy and that hospital was a far safer option.
During my second trimester our baby started to track big, I was asked to do the gestational diabetes test again which came back all ok.
To give myself the best possible chance at home I knew I should really do the Hypnobirthing course. I reached out to Andi and we met for a coffee, I really enjoyed chatting to her about pregnancy and birth. Andi has this amazing passion and holds a beautiful space for pregnant women. At the time of doing the course Jordan and I definitely thought it was good, far better than the parents centre course but it wasn’t until the day, when I think we both realised how important and how incredibly useful we found it. It gave Jordan a sense of purpose as a birth partner and he really felt prepared and educated. I found it gave me mental strength to trust the process. I used the tools I needed on the day and the one line I kept repeating in my head was ‘I will remain calm whatever turn my birth may take’. Andi went above and beyond for me in the last week of my pregnancy, she was sending me lots of articles and resources on birthing a ‘big baby’ and post due dates/induction. She was even going to come over and read through a fear release script the day I went into labour. I honestly can’t thank her enough!
My due date came and went and I stayed patient trusting my body and baby knew what to do. I had an appointment with the obstetrician because I was still tracking big which to be honest I was getting nervous about. I feared he was going to suggest a C-section but he was super nice and informative, he was happy for me to continue as planned and just suggested being checked to make sure I was fully dilated before pushing which I felt was totally reasonable. It was a bit touch and go as to whether I would be able to have a home birth because of midwifery staffing, I tried to remain positive because that was out of my control - whatever is meant to be.
I had an appointment for routine monitoring at 41 + 3 days and finally due to staffing I was able to have a stretch and sweep which I had been wanting to try. It was uncomfortable but over quick enough. I also had a scan and they estimated his weight over 11 pounds, thankfully they quickly decided to redo it and came back with 10.2 pounds. My stomach dropped, Jordan and I just looked at each other like OH SHIT, it really made me question if home birth was the best option but I just kept reminding myself of the hypnobirthing affirmation I had been listening to repetitively, “my baby is the right size for my body”! Also I knew the scans aren’t 100% accurate. We chose not to discuss induction until the following Monday as they don’t do them over the weekend and I didn’t want to have it earlier than we needed so it was like let’s just cross that bridge when we come to it.
That night I started having mild, irregular contractions, I could comfortably sleep in between them. By 8am I downloaded the app to time contractions and they seemed around 6 minutes apart so I text my midwife to give her the heads up. She suggested to come by at 12 noon and soon after arriving I was so curious to know my progress so I consented to her checking me on the bed, I was at 4cm dilated. The plan was for her to come back at 4pm unless required. I had the tens machine on, I had baked muffins, watched some tv then spent time in front of the fire as it was a stormy day.
By 3pm I had text to say come back early, in hindsight I did not need her I just thought I should be further along and my contractions had got more intense. Jordan had filled the pool and encouraged me to eat, drink and go to the toilet. My midwife arrived at 3.30pm and I agreed to a vaginal exam and another stretch and sweep. I was keen to know how much progress I had made, only to be pretty disappointed as I was only 5 cm dilated! She reassured me and told me it was excellent progress. Afterwards I went to the loo and lost some of my mucus plug and the contractions really ramped up after that and my midwife stayed.
During labour I had the tens machine on my lower back and I had the hypnobirthing affirmations playing. I spent time in different rooms in the house, on the swiss ball bouncing, leaning over my bed, standing and leaning on a bar stool, walking around the kitchen and on my hands and knees leaning over our footstool in front of the fire. I felt the time pass so quickly because I could so easily change my environment and try different positions. I knew my midwife was there but she completely left me to it, I was completely in my own head. Jordan spent time near me but it wasn’t until around 4pm when I started asking for hip squeezes.
Re-reading my birth notes at 4.47pm I had my first ‘I can’t do it’ moment asking to get in the pool. At 5.30pm I was in the pool. It was instant relief. I loved being in the pool with the hypnobirthing affirmations playing. I tried to put my music playlist on but it was way too intense and upbeat. I think I even briefly fell asleep in the pool. Jordan had a cold flannel on the back of my neck/forehead and kept offering me fluids. I started feeling the slightest urge to push and my body started almost involuntary pushing but I was advised not to push yet.
By 6.30pm I accepted another exam I was 8-9cm, I had lots of clumps of bloody show in the pool but the water was clear. I was advised not to push until fully dilated even though it felt like my body wanted to. I just kept thinking he’s going to come any second, first the head then the body just like all the videos I had watched. In hindsight I wish gas was an option at home because it might have helped me relax and not push until I needed to. My waters broke, it was clear and just felt like jelly floating around my legs. I was relieved because it meant I didn’t have to get out of the pool and there was no meconium in the waters. My body was still wanting to push and I declined another exam until around 7.15pm. I was checked in the pool and was 10cm dilated and all of a sudden the second midwife had arrived. My midwife recommended trying to birth out of the pool, I took my time to make the decision as I still thought he would just pop out at any moment. At 7.30pm was my next ‘I can’t do it’ and I remember thinking, I just want to get out of the pool and walk outside into the rain so the surges would stop. I was actively pushing during each surge whilst holding Jordans arms for around 40 minutes.
Around 8pm I got out of the pool and immediately I had the “I need to poo” moment haha the midwife said “it’s just your baby's head coming down”. I remember thinking no no I really need to poo. Once out of the water the contractions intensified and I really wanted to try birthing in a squat position. I headed to the ensuite and held onto the towel rail to bear down, that's when I pulled the towel rail off the wall so I ended up on my hands and knees while Jordan had to frantically fix it haha. I felt like I tried all the positions; squatting, all fours, on the loo and after some time it was suggested to try laying on my back on the bed. Immediately the midwives were surprised saying this was the most progress I had made whilst pushing and they could see the tiniest bit of his head. My second midwife encouraged Jordan to have a look and she took a video to show me which really encouraging. I just wasn’t making further progress so tried changing positions again; on all fours, back to the the toilet and then returned to laying on my back on the bed. I consented to being guided by my midwives with pushing now. The midwifes where monitoring baby's heart rate between every surge and they were getting more flustered and couldn’t quite tell if it was my heart rate or baby’s. I knew it wasn’t my job to worry and I was just focussed on staying calm and pushing. I heard them talking and saying she’s giving it all she’s got. My midwife wanted to do everything possible before suggesting hospital and I consented to her stretching my perineum whilst pushing, we then discussed having an episiotomy but between one contraction his head was drawn right back in and the midwifes told me they were concerned about his shoulders. I kept pushing and trying my hardest. Around 9.40pm at the midwife's suggestion we decided it was time to transfer to hospital. By this stage I really just wanted to get this baby out.
My adrenalin kicked up a notch as they phoned the ambulance they said they would be half and hour away so it was decided to go in the midwife's car. It was hugely daunting the thought of getting in a car in this state. I allowed myself a few surges to calm down and get ready to move. I had help getting some clothes on and I carefully waddled to the front door. To our surprise the ambulance was early and at the front door, such a relief to us all! I climbed onto the the stretcher on my back. I remember having two contractions on the way and I could feel burning I assume what they say is the ring of fire. I asked for a wet cloth down below and the midwives where still encouraging me “come on let’s have this baby in the ambulance”. I still had lots of monitoring for babies heart rate and I kind of blocked out what they were saying. I remember the mental shift - at home it was me who was in charge and it felt very hands off approach, but going into hospital I mentally handed over the control to the medical staff whilst I kept the affirmation ‘I will remain calm with any turn my birth may take’ going through my head. I had my eyes closed and I remained in my own bubble, so calm and just followed their direction, it was almost an out of body experience. Jordan followed in our car with the hospital bags he was such a hero on the day, so calm and supportive.
At 10pm we arrived at the hospital, Jordan was not far behind and I was wheeled into the birth room where there was just us and 5 female midwives. I instantly loved being surrounded by women. They informed me and I consented to an episiotomy, I remember asking if there was going to be pain relief but I was assured it wouldn’t hurt. With my next contraction as I pushed I felt the slightest pinch like a needle and it was done. I was moved from the ambulance stretcher to the hospital bed and knelt facing the head of the hospital bed which was at a 90degree angle. Pushing with the next contraction his head was born at 10.14 then I remember being told repeatedly and firmly get on your back, they helped turn me over to my back and I just kept pushing while two midwives helped pull him out. Baby Blair was officially born at 10.15pm and he was perfect. Once he was out it was instant relief. I had him put on my chest straight away, we had delayed cord clamping and Jordan cut the cord. Blair had some monitoring done and he weighed in at 9 pounds 7 ounces. Birth was so overwhelming, a feeling of immediate relief and I was probably in a bit of shock. I remember saying “I’m never doing that again”!
I consented to the syntocinon injection to birth my placenta, it was late and I had been pushing for so long I was happy to just be done with it all. It was such a relief when it was out. I asked if Jordan could have skin to skin with our baby as I was extremely exhausted, I felt weak and just needed a minute to have my body back. I wanted Jordan to have his moment with his precious baby boy too. Next I was offered some gas for them to assess the situation down there, gosh this was intense because your instincts want nothing to touch you down there. They internally checked both holes for damage so they can repair if needed. My midwife decided she wanted the obstetrician to do my stitches for a 2nd degree tear and the episiotomy. To help keep my legs still I used the stirrups and the gas again for the anaesthetic and suturing. I am really scared of the injections and my midwife supported me and held my hand. Soon after I had Blair back on me for skin to skin and his first time breastfeeding followed by a long shower and even though I was so drained I was very surprised at how physically able I was and how good I felt.
I was so proud of myself. It was probably the biggest moment of my life. I had just birthed my baby, vaginally, with no pain relief and the only intervention in hospital was an episiotomy. I was just so lucky to have this experience. I am in awe of women and what we do, our bodies are amazing, all births are an incredibly life changing moment. Thank god for medical interventions and the specialists available for when we need them. Jordan was an absolutely incredible partner and dad during Birth. For a man who didn’t really want to see much, he saw a lot that day! He even later showed me a photo he had taken of Blair crowning. I am so grateful we did the positive birth course with Andi because Jordan knew what birth looked like, he remained extremely calm and offered support just when I needed it. I fell in love with him all over again. He is such a wonderful dad.
My midwives were incredible and the hospital staff were amazing! I remember being told I could go home if I wanted because I had planned to be at home but I was not scared of the after care and staying in hospital, I actually really needed their help with establishing breastfeeding. I stayed three nights in hospital figuring out how to feed this baby, nipple shields, expressing, pumping, tube feeding, latching and rubbing wet cloth's on him to keep him awake to feed. I was definitely in the right place. I had requested a birth debrief with my midwife and she visited me the next day. We chatted about it all because I kept going over in my mind what I could have done differently, like why did he not come out at home!? It really helped clarify that I had done everything I could have. If I was to go back now and give myself any advice it would be to take the clock off the wall and to trust my body to be patient because you're in it for the long haul.
You can find Sarah and her beautiful photography business here. Thank you for inspiring others and sharing your positive experience of birth.
